The Nation's Health

You could be EMS if…

  • You find humour in other people's stupidity
  • You believe than 90% of people are a poor excuse for protoplasm
  • Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you
  • Your idea of fine dining is anywhere you sit down to eat
  • You get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nice restaurants.
  • Your diet consists of food that has gone through more processing than most computers
  • You believe chocolate is a food group
  • You refer to vegetables and are not talking about a food group
  • You believe a micropore tape job will fix anything
  • You have the bladder capacity of five people
  • Your idea of a good time is a traumatic cardiac arrest
  • You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac
  • You have your weekends off planned in advance
  • You believe that 'shallow gene pool' should be a recognised diagnosis
  • You believe that the government should require a permit to reproduce
  • You believe that "Ask-a-Nurse" is an evil plot thought up by Satan
  • You believe that having an ambulance at a "Health Fair" was his next idea
  • You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if the say "Wow, it's really quiet" is uttered
  • You threaten to strangle anyone who even starts to say the "q" word when it is even remotely calm
  • You take it as a compliment when someone calls you dirty name
  • You think to yourself "great veins" when looking at complete strangers
  • You refer to someone in severe respiratory distress as a "smurf"
  • You have ever wanted to hold a lecture entitled "Suicide...Doing It Right"
  • You feel that most suicide attempts should be given a free subscription to "Guns and Ammo" magazine
  • You believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis
  • You have ever had to leave a patients room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably
  • Your favourite hallucinogen is exhaustion
  • You think that caffeine should be available in I.V. form
  • You believe the waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain...
  • You believe that waiting room time should be proportional to length of time from symptom onset
  • Your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergency?”
  • Your feet are slightly flatter and tougher than Fred Flintstone's...
  • Your immune system is so well developed that it has been known to attack squirrels in the garden
  • You've been chipping away at your Bachelors Degree for longer than most people take for a Doctorate...
  • You might be an EMS professional if you find any of this funny!

This is not my own work but I related to it so thought i'd share it. I gathered them from various lists on the t'interweb.