Am I a snob? Probably! Am I opinionated? Without a doubt! Do I like chavs? No! I don't care if that offends anyone to the point of leaving! I doubt any would actually read an ambulance blog other than to look up our phone number! The thing that really irks me in general is the calling of ambulances for 'sick' children only to refuse to come to hospital! I reckon any parent who reads this post will do so shaking their head slightly. Then again, that will be of no surprise, as I doubt anyone reading this would actually be so mindless! Kids get ill, adults get ill, it's a fact of life. Ill doesn't necessarily mean ambulance, but if you do need one, you should fully expect to go to hospital as that is where we take ill kiddies! And whatever happens do not, and I mean DO NOT say 'whatevs' man' to me!
"3 year old female, feeling hot, to sleepy to walk to walk in centre"
It'd been a good day. I had good crew mate, a nice lunch, reasonable patients and had stayed in area most of the shift. Obviously, the powers that be were aware there was a crew in high spirits so to restore the equilibrium they sent us to an area that generally makes my stomach turn. It was just wall to wall tools. With all the moans and groans that are associated with going to this area we trundled off, already bitching about what we were on our way to. A quick glance at the map showed us that the address we were going to was less than 200 yards from the walk-in centre. Why on earth did they need an ambulance for a child? Too sleepy to walk? Carry her!
We arrived at the front door which was hidden down an ally way behind some shops. The rubbish and clutter outside told us exactly what was going to be inside. Our patients mother opened the door, it was a sight I've described a dozen times in my blog. Peroxide hair, multiple piercings, velour tracksuit bottoms, chewing gum and talking like she was from the ghetto. Innit! A chav personified. She took us through the bombsite of a kitchen to the cesspit of a living room where one of her four children were lying asleep on the sofa.
"So what's the problem today?"
"She 'ad a tummy ache this morning and now I fink she is hot, ja no wot I mean"
"OK, have you taken her temperature?"
"Nah I don't 'ave one"
"Have you given her any calpol?"
"Nah I don't 'ave any"
"Has she seen a GP"
"Nah we ain't been able to do dat"
"How long has she been unwell for? Have you or your other child been unwell recently?"
"Just today, she 'ad a tummy ache, innit"
"And you or your other child?"
"Nah but a lot of my family have pelvic problems, my mum and my sister 'ad theirs removed. They got proper ill first and had proper bad tummy ache so I thought she might have dat"
"Do you mean appendix? Did they have their appendix removed?"
"Yeah, dat one"
Whilst this conversation was going on my crew mate had tapped the girl on her shoulder to wake her up and was talking to her whilst doing her OB's. Normal temperature, normal pulse, normal respiration rate, generalised abdo pain and she had vomited once this morning. She couldn't have calpol because mummy had used it up yesterday when her 5 year old sister wasn't well. Clearly, the 3 year was more articulate and more able to give a clear and concise history than the apparent adult. I say adult, but she she didn't look a day older than 17 at best. Meanwhile, my painful conversation was continuing.
"I don't think she has appendicitis. Why didn't you take her to the walk-in centre?"
"Cause she was too sleepy so I called 999. Could it be Mangitus?"
"No, it's not Meningitis, get your stuff together and we'll take you to the walk-in centre so she can see a doctor"
"Wot? You're gonna take us?"
"Well yes, that's the idea!"
"Nah, it's OK, I'll walk her there in a bit"
"So why did you call us, if you didn't want to go to hospital?"
"I just wanted you too check dat she was OK to walk there and needed to go der so I didn't get der and waste my time, innit"
"That's not really what the emergency ambulance service is for"
"Ah whatevs' man, it's OK, you can go now"
Luckily for me, my crew mate had been obtaining all the details I needed for paperwork so as my conversation came to its abrupt conclusion, I was able to disappear to the ambulance without the need to ask inane questions. What a moron! What a waste of time. I dropped the paperwork back in a few minutes later. Strangely though, I wasn't livid. Maybe I'm becoming numb to the nonsense! Pelvic removal......Pah!!