"25 year old female, a tad disillusioned but fighting back and feeling generous"
It's been the best part of a week since I last blogged, which as my regular readers will know, is a long time. This isn't because I have nothing to say or write about, I do, but a few things happened which led me to step back and ponder. When I started blogging, I did so as an outlet; an outlet for pent up feelings which I wanted to get out. Some were frustrations, some celebrations and some simply anecdotal but most importantly it was for me. I said from the outset that I have always been the type of person that questions right and wrong. Be it politics at local level to government policy, or patient behaviour to staff attitudes I will always ask questions. That is just my nature. I don't care if people don't agree and I don't care if people don't like what I have to say, or how I say it. All I wanted to do was vent frustrations, share experiences, provoke debate, and educate people as to what life is really like on the road AS I SEE IT. That is what a blog is. It's personal.
As far as I was concerned, and to a point still am, the blog is going well. A lot of posts have indeed created debate, shown some home truths and rubbed a few up the wrong way. Last month, in what was the highlight of my newly found world of blogging; I received nominations for EMS Blog of the Year. For the first time in a long time I was proud of myself. I felt I had achieved something from nothing. Not an accolade but recognition from people who read my ramblings and it was touching to say the least. I had no expectations to be shortlisted and no expectations whatsoever to win. It was just nice to have my blog mentioned with some very well known, established blogs. Unfortunately, this public recognition brought the detractors out of the woodwork. I received nasty messages about my blog and was basically told I have no place in the 'blogging community'. As the competition went on I began hearing whispers via Twitter that a number of people were talking about me behind by back. As childish and playground like this may seem it was true. I was sent copies of messages, screen shots of conversations, the content of which was bringing my professionalism into dispute. Accusations of breaching patient confidentiality were mentioned, and as untrue as it was, it had the desired effect.
I spent a number of days trying to write posts, but as I did, rather than writing for myself like I had always done, I found myself writing to please others. I started second guessing everything I wrote and my posts felt forced. I began to resent my blog. It was doing the complete opposite of what I had intended it to be. The added anxiety I was feeling about possible repercussions of these accusations caused my already sleepless nights to become pure insomnia. For that reason I closed my laptop and gave twitter a wide birth. I always said I'd blog for as long as I enjoy it. Well, certain people took that enjoyment away. I didn't know if I would come back to it. It kind of felt a bit tarnished. That was until a very close friend gave me a good old fashioned telling off. She told me in no uncertain terms that I cannot let these idiots win. I cannot walk away from something I've worked so hard at and what means so much to me.
There will always be bullies; there will always be people who don't like me, no matter what I do. I can't change that, but so what? If you don't like my blog, don't read it; if you don't like me, unfollow/block me; if you have an issue with what I have said then say it to my face. Failing all that; be a coward, bitch about me to others, leave anonymous comments and messages, I don't care. I'm going to carry on writing for me and anyone who wants to read it. Don't like it, jog on!
I think this is also a great opportunity to thank all my readers for the support you have shown me over the past 6 months. It's so nice to hear the positive feedback I get and this compels me to do more. As a token of my appreciation I'm giving away 5 x Diagnosis: LOB mugs.
To enter the competition all you have to do is:
- Click the 'Join this site' button on the right of this page and do just that.
- 'Like' my Facebook page (if you have Facebook)
- Tweet the following if you have Twitter.
Once you've done the above, leave a comment on this post to tell me you've done so with your name, email address or twitter name. Each entry will be given a number and then the winners will be picked out by a random number generator on 4th April.
Thanks again for all the kind messages of support, all the nominations I received and all the votes I was given. It meant a lot. Good luck and happy hunting!