Trolls

"A faceless nobody embarrassing themselves"

Troll: A troll is someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as a forum, chat room, or blog, with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion. The noun troll may refer to the provocative message itself, as in: "That was an excellent troll you posted."

I've had a few weeks off blogging, not because I was fed up or had nothing to write about, but because I was a) being a slave to the wage and b) enjoying the Olympics! I had planned to start writing again next week but a visit from a regular troll made me cut my sabbatical early! A few weeks ago I posted a blog called 'Sick Note'. I received plenty of positive comments and that was where my blog was left. That was until last night. At 18:18 Anonymous reared their ugly head and left the following comment:

"ah at last. im so pleased to see youve taken the hint and stopped writing you're pathetic blog. Youll never be respected, lets just hope you stay away. Its as if you're soul purpose has been to anoy me. Your a nobody, I hate your writing style and your tweets. I know who you are. dont forget that. I bet you wine about be being annonymous to! As for you're little crew of followers, they dont bother me. there are people who have earnt my respect with professionalism and talent not by writing utter rubbish. stay away and dont bother coming back. You wont be missed.

Always hear to ruin your day

Annonymous"

I suspect it is the same person who often pops up and has a dig, hands out an insult, says I'm unprofessional and tells me I can't write. It appears they missed me! Bless! Sometimes I reply, sometimes I don't. More often than not, you lot say all that is needed to be said and for that, I thank you! This time however, I decided to reward said troll with their very own post to get their teeth in to. So, without further ado, here is my response to anonymous:

Dear Anonymous,

I must start with telling you how much I have missed you, it's been at least a month since you came onto my website that you cannot stay away from. Oh how I have missed your banter, your eloquent tongue and sublime use of the English language. My last blog just didn't feel complete without your bitter, uneducated waffling. Before I dissect the content of your well thought out and superbly executed comment just a few things to help you with your next trolling experience.

"Ah (capital letter to start a sentence) at last. I'm (capital letter to start a sentence / apostrophe as you are abbreviating 'I am') so pleased to see you've (apostrophe as you are abbreviating 'you have') taken the hint and stopped writing you're (It's 'your', not 'you're') pathetic blog. You'll (apostrophe as you are abbreviating 'you will') never be respected, let's (apostrophe as you are abbreviating 'let us') just hope you stay away. It's (apostrophe as you are abbreviating 'it is') as if you're (It's 'your' not 'you're') soul (it's 'sole' not 'soul') purpose has been to anoy (annoy) me. You're (It's 'you're, not 'your') a nobody, I hate your writing style and your tweets. I know who you are. Don't (capital letter to start a sentence / apostrophe as you are abbreviating 'do not') forget that. I bet you wine (it's 'whine', not 'wine') about be (I think you mean 'me') being annonymous (it's anonymous) to! As for you're (It's 'your' not 'you're') little crew of followers, they don't (apostrophe as you are abbreviating 'do not') bother me. There (capital letter to start a sentence) are people who have earnt (it's 'earned' not 'earnt') my respect with professionalism and talent, (use a comma for a break in the sentence) not by writing utter rubbish. Stay (capital letter to start a sentence) away and don't (apostrophe as you are abbreviating 'do not') bother coming back. You won't (apostrophe as you are abbreviating 'will not') be missed.

Always hear (it's 'here', not 'hear') to ruin your day (sloppy grammar, that is an incomplete sentence)

Annonymous (it's Anonymous)"

It would be unfair of me to criticise and condemn without first offering you some help. Below are a list of links to websites to assist you with your future learning and use of the Queen's English. Hopefully you can find the time to do an evening class or enter a spelling Bee. You may learn how to use grammar and structure a sentence properly. I'm only pointing out these glaring errors as I would love you to become a good writer. Then, and only then, will I take your critique seriously. Until then, I will smile and feel all warm inside, because we all know you are green with envy.

Learn Direct - Adult English Literacy
Learn Direct - Life Skills
Direct Gov - Adult Learning
The Times - Spelling Bee

Now, the content. As you can see, no hint has been taken. I am still here, writing away and this time with you in mind. You should be so pleased. You can continue trolling to your (see how I spelt your! Lol) heart's content. Sadly, you are of the impression I am writing to gain respect. Wrong! I write for me and anyone who wants to read it. I find it therapeutic (big word I know). In fact, while I am writing this, I am smiling! How cool is that?! You made me smile! I write from the soul (see what I did there!) simply to annoy you. When I go to a job that upsets me or troubles me I think to myself 'Right, better get this typed up for my old pal Troll'. You inspire me, you really do. I hope you feel an inner sense of pride on reading that. You are making a difference. You were also correct about me whining about you being anonymous. The incorrect spelling of your name aside, I don't care who you are, I just think hiding behind anonymity out of malice is completely different to hiding behind anonymity for professional reasons. That argument however is for another day, for now though, just remember: A N O N Y M O U S. Write it out a few times, maybe it will stick. Here's hoping eh?!

I hope you enjoy this utter rubbish I'm writing, you seem to hang on my every word and for someone who hates me and my writing so much, you appear to read it a lot! I wonder how many of last month's 50,000 website hits were you?! 10, 20, 50?! Please tell me, I'm dying to know. Even if it is 1000, which I hope it is, I suppose we will have to blame my crew for the other 49,000. Bummer.

As for knowing who I am, that's not fair, because I don't know who you are. Give me a clue, please. It's only fair. How can we have an open and honest relationship if you are intent on keeping such secrets?! Please play nice, you show me yours and I'll show you mine. Promise. I just want to get to know you. I want to know what you do. Are you an ambulance junkie, do you pretend to be something you are not, do you try and strike an allegiance with people you think are the most popular? I have so many questions for you. We should do coffee! Yes! Or lunch? Or, dinner and a show! How cool would that be?! Let me know what you fancy!

Anyway, as you can see I have not stayed away, I have come back and that is all because of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I missed this little playful interaction we have. You're such a tease! You really have made my day!

Thank you again, your adoring fan, hugs and kisses with lots of love,

Ella xxx

PS: Call me ;-) x

I hate trolls. I hate everything about them. I think they are scum to put it mildly, but they are part of life. I know doing a post dedicated to Anonymous is kind of taking the bait and normally that is what they thrive off, but it's fun to play with them. Anyone, who's sole purpose is to try and cause upset and distress to others for their own entertainment is sad. It's pathetic, they are lonely, have no joy in their life and just want to bring others down to their level. I for one won't allow it. The more I'm trolled, the more I will write. The more abuse I get, the more I will smile. They will not win, they will not get what they want. Repeatedly they will be shown up to be the bottom-feeding gutter snipes they really are. Neanderthal would be a compliment to these cretinous individuals, I hope none of you ever listen to a word they say.

So, what do we all think? Please tell me! Share your trolling experience! Are you a troll? If you are, here is your forum to say why you're a hater. Have you been trolled? Join the debate. They all need to be pointed at, laughed at and stamped on at every given opportunity. That's what I think anyway!

Good to be back!